drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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