I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
