I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
