I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
