I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
