I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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