Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
