His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
