Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
