She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
