i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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