based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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