Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
