I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
