I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize