just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
