Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
