Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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