So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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