3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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