There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
