So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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