my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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