I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
