Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
