I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
