Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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