i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
