his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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