take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
