the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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