Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
