I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
