new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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