Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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