Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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