if you like me you must not know who I am
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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