don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
