and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
