Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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