I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
