happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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