Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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