my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
