A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
