I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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