I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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