38 yer olds are good kisserssss
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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