If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
