whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
