Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
