In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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