Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
