We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
