Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
