I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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