I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
