You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
