Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
