after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
