I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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