just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize