I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
