meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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