i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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