There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my being single is dangerous.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
