I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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