he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize