There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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