.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
