youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
