for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize