Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
