There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
