that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
