Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
