She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
