i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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