is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
