so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We need to get me chipped asap
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
