your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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